Thief!

Recently I have noticed that I'm being stolen from on a regular basis.

What's being stolen, you may wonder?

Anecdotes. Jokes. Humour.

I was born with this face cos you can't be good looking and funny. Funny's all I've got.

Leave my funny alone, you thieving bastard.

xxx

My favourite story of the year

On my birthday, my brother's new girlfriend told me a story. It made me cry, so i thought i would share it with you.

Recently, one of her friends went shopping. Her friend has children, including a lad with a disability (he's about 20). She left this lad at home whilst she nipped quickly to the local shops.

When she returned home, her son opened the door. He was covered in scratches. There was also a loud banging noise.

'What's happened!?'

'I caught a troll, it's locked under the stairs'

So, she opens the under stairs cupboard and, in the words of R.Kelly, it was a midget!

He came flying out and ran (all the way to the Old Bill).

Apparently, shortly after leaving for the shops, her son spotted said midget walking down the street and thought it was a troll. So, like we'd all do if we saw a troll, he ran out and tackled it...

The midget put up a fight (hence the scratches), but obviously he lost and was locked under the stairs.

I love this story so much. I want to know if the midget had a big green head of wiry hair.

The best bit? The midget is pressing charges.