Stupid Knee

A few hours ago, I won an award at the Cliffe Royals Presentation Night. I got the 'Sportsman' award. I couldn't collect it myself, though.

I'm still lying about, trying to recover from the knee op I had last Friday (20/5). The stupid op I had hoped would make my life a little easier. Instead, it turned out, it came with news to suggest that it hasn't helped at all.

With a smile, the doctor told me that the damage to my knee is severe, and that it's beyond (NHS) repair. He told me that I can't play football again. I can't go running any more. Walking and standing for extended periods of time will become difficult and then impossible. He told me that my knee won't stand up to the physical strains of my job, and told me to look for something less strenuous (as if going and finding an office job somewhere was an easy thing for a self employed electrician). Still with a smile on his face, he told me that, at 29 I'm a bit young for a knee replacement, but it's something he is going to consider. He kept cracking out all sorts of stupid answers to questions I asked ("I can dye my grey hair black, but it's still grey hair" & "you can service an old car, and it might work, but it's still an old car), then told me I need to use crutches for 4-6 weeks. Just what every self employed person wants to hear. I may have cried a bit (silently, and mostly on the inside, obviously).

Like some kind of smiling assassin, he'd basically ripped my heart out. I was stupidly depressed for a few hours, before news Toby being rushed to hospital after stopping breathing put my stupid knee in to perspective.

As soon as I knew Toby was ok, I started feeling sad again. Knowing that everything I do needed reviewing and, more than likely, changing.

I have a bit of a plan. I know what I want to do, so I've got to go out and do it. When I can go out, obviously!

The Internet has provided me with a tiny glimmer of hope - there are operations available that could give me my knee back, but they're expensive. Knowing that something can be done is hope, though, so I'll cling to it for a bit.

Anyway, back to the trophy. I know 'Sportsman' and 'Clubman' awards are often seen as a bit of a joke, but I don't care. This is my last award as a player, seeing as the doctor told me I can't play again. A big thanks to Steve Mitchell & Jack Payne for awarding it to me. Also, thanks to Steve Nolan for collecting the award, and to Mark Chiverton for stealing it.

I'm heartbroken that I can't play again (well, unless I win the lottery and can afford to pay for a pritave operation), but if the 2010/11 season is to be my last, it's not been a bad one. The worst thing for me is, I'd fallen in love with playing again. As a striker. I've loved every minute playing up front (even the penalty misses - 2 in 10 minutes having never missed one in my life), and hoped to play more next season. I loved scoring goals. Ok, I only got 3, but 1 turned out to be an important winner, and the other 2 were special for me cos Jak Pigden was there to celebrate with me!

I was only at Cliffe Royals for a few months, but it was good. We were runners up in the league, and I got a cup winners medal (unused sub). And I must've made some sort of impression to get my trophy! Good times.

Considering the season started with a knee injury & being released by a club I loved being at, it turned out ok. The Royals success aside, I got myself another winners medal with Hollands & Blair. I joined them after being let go by Bly, had a good start, and was enjoying myself until broken ribs forced me out. I was replaced by a young lad called Joe Ainsley, who I think has a very good future in the game. Anyway, the manager kept in contact and wanted me to be involved in the cup final. The Kent Junior Cup, at Beckenham, with Phoenix the opponents. I agreed to go along - the club made me feel important and of course I'd do anything to help. I went to the game expecting to be on coaching duty (which I was), but on arrival to the ground I was told I'd be on the bench.

Hollands & Blair won 4-0, and I was again an unused sub. Not that I cared - I wasn't expecting to be a sub, let alone be on the pitch!

After arriving back at Hollands & Blair, every player was applauded in to the club house. The first team had won the league. The 30th April 2011 was billed as the greatest day in the history of the club. I feel honoured to have been involved.

So, all in all, as much as I'm heartbroken about not being able to play, the 2010/11 season would've taken some beating, so it seems the perfect one to end on!