I am sad

Today i am stupidly sad.

And i know that if i write stuff, it will just look like self pity. I know this, because that is exactly what it is. My self pity.

I am mostly grumpy. The things that really make me angry, most people wouldn't bat an eyelid. But this is not normal for me. This is a feeling of dreadful sadness, and i can't even talk to my friends or family about it because i don't know what to say.

I'm not a sad person. I like to give the impression that i am miserable. But those who know and love me will know that i'm happiest when i've something to moan and be miserable about. It's a family trait. I intend to pass my misery on to my eldest son =D

I'm trying to deal with a few things in my head right now. Some i can't explain. One or two things, i will try to.

I will start with Twitter. I loved Twitter. I probably still do. But it went bad, and it was as much my fault as it was anyone else. Some people know what happened. The reason i left was as much to do with feeling betrayed by 'friends' as much as anything else. They weren't real friends - i just assumed they were. I blame the internet for that. I do have real friends from Twitter though. Wonderful people. They know who they are. I love them.

I am asked, at least once a day, to go back to Twitter. The lengths people go to to try and tempt me back are crazy. I can't give examples, as you wouldn't believe me if i told you! I can't understand why it's so important i go back. I was very proud of all of my tweets up until the end of august, when my life started to get battered. Things happened that messed me up and i got involved in other things that i really shouldn't. Because of the fall out of this, i feel i can't go back. But i feel bad. It seems i am actually upsetting people by NOT going back. I don't want to make it sound like i am anything special. I'm really really not, but in a strange way, these people make me feel that i am.

Because of my crazy memory, i can remember most things i say. I can remember funny and interesting tweets (probably because there were so few!), but mostly i said 'minge'. Or 'vaginal discharge'. Or the #cleavagebarometer. And I even put prostitutes contact details on my page. Surely this isn't the kind of thing people like to see on Twitter?!

I am feeling teary right now. Back to being sad.

I really don't like feeling this sad. I've not eaten today. I'm how i was back at the end of August and I don't like it. But if i can lose another couple of stone, that would be handy!

Right now i feel like a failure (self pity alert). That is the only way i can describe it. No one will have read this far, though, so it doesn't really matter.

Until next time, goodnight, stay classy and thanks for stopping by xxx