The Umbrella Dance

I'm glad I'm not working in London today.

Walking around London in the rain is an absolute nightmare for one reason - Umbrellas.

People shouldn't be allowed to use them. Everyone should be given one of those plastic poncho things and be done with it.

Umbrellas, like wheelie suitcases, are nothing but trouble. You see people walking along battling to keep them in the right way. You see 4'10'' women walking along with 6' wide umbrellas. They're awful.

People walking along with umbrellas become oblivious to everyone else around them. You know how your mum always used to tell you that 'you'd have your eye out'? Well, umbrellas WANT your eye out. And it's almost as if they control the person holding them to aim it at you.

When you come face to face with someone wielding an umbrella, you know you will either have to take evasive action or do that thing we Brits do where you both move the same way and then you both say sorry.

Even worse than coming face to face with someone with an umbrella, is being caught behind 2 umbrella carriers going opposite directions doing the 'Umbrella Dance'. You know the one I mean. It's where the carriers start moving left to right (whilst saying sorry) and they lift the umbrella up, and then down, almost with perfect symmetry to the other person. Eventually, after much shuffling, apologising and evasive umbrella movements, both carriers continue their journey (well, they take three steps and repeat the process with the next person).

I would rather chance my luck walking in a bus lane than get caught up in an umbrella dance. And I'd be walking along the bus lane in my nice little waterproof jacket, with hood, keeping nice and dry.

When I go to hell (if such a place does exist), I imagine it to be a long, rainy street, packed with people holding an umbrella in one hand and pulling a wheelie suitcase in the other.

The end

xx